5 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries

Welcome back to Week 6 of the Feel Less Busy Series.

Last week, I shared with you my tips for planning your day. This week, let’s talk about how to set healthy boundaries.

If you’d like to revisit posts in the Feel Less Busy series, click here to explore ideas and tricks to make the most of your precious and plentiful time. I’m sure you’ll find something that you can try!

Do you ever dream of being off the clock? You know what I mean. No errands to run. No tasks to check off the list. No car pooling, dinner to cook, homework to check. Why is it, that busyness seems to be a badge of honor?

Well my friends, I’m here to help.

Making enough time in my day is something I love to do. I secretly get a buzz when people wonder how I live the life of an executive, with three kids, travel the world, and still take vacation and do what I love (reading and writing).

I believe that you can have the life you want. Feel calm. Get more done. Achieve time freedom.

Week 6: Set Healthy Boundaries

One of the ways to find more time in your day is to know when to say “yes” or “no” to things. Prioritizing what brings you the most joy. And feeling comfortable and confident when doing so. Setting healthy boundaries will certainly look different for every person and this post will give you some suggestions on how you can create boundaries that work for you.

So, before jumping right in, let’s talk about boundaries. What are they?

Personal boundaries can help you clearly establish your limits by understanding your values, beliefs and what you want in life. It might be easy to think of them as rules or guidelines that you communicate to others, and ask them to respect.

The reason they are so important is that they allow you to declare how you want to be treated and lets you communicate how others should behave around you. Sounds logical, right? Well, not so fast.

Setting boundaries is a skill. Something we need to hone and practice. And for your boundaries to be effective, it takes a bit of internal work (don’t worry, we won’t be going too deep here) to understand yourself as a person.

So let’s explore five ways to set healthy boundaries. Oh, and remember that there are different types of boundaries. Physical. Personal. Relationships. As you dive into the five steps, think of your own life and where you need to set healthy boundaries. Is it at work? With family? Friends? Your marriage or dating life?

1. Know Yourself

To set your limits, it’s really important to know yourself. What are your beliefs, goals and values? What is important to you. For a moment, take a deep breath and think about your values.

Values are fundamental beliefs that help us determine what is important to us. We think of them as being good things, and they are the motive behind the way we act.

My core value is honesty. I feel comfortable with people who have high integrity and are truthful. I feel uncomfortable when people are insincere or are not trustworthy. And interestingly, honesty is the single most important leadership value too.

By leaning into the feelings around values, it is possible to set boundaries around them. What are your limits and how do you feel when you think about them? Do you get strong feelings when someone crosses the line or are you OK when this happens?

2. Communicate Your Boundaries

The second way to set healthy boundaries is to actually communicate them. Depending on the person and relationship, this might need to be direct communication. Other times, when the person has a similar communication style or personality, it will happen more organically.

I find the best way to actually speak the words when setting boundaries, is to be calm, even and non-emotional. I’ll use simple direct language such as:

I’m not available to take the call at 6 am tomorrow. My calendar is open at 8.30, so let’s see if we can make that work.

There’s no need to debate or justify the situation. It’s best to be direct, firm and gracious. And if the person doesn’t like it, just repeat the request or statement again. Of course, it’s always a good idea to link your boundary with an action so that it’s possible to reach a middle ground. But stay strong, and give yourself permission to preserve the boundaries you’ve set.

3. Be Self Aware

Sometimes it feels easy to set boundaries but not actually follow through and uphold them. You let them slip or receive a lot of push back. If this happens, take the time to think about why you set the boundaries in the first place, and what it will mean if you don’t uphold them.

Will it cause you to feel resentful? Be angry, dissatisfied or frustrated?

If you don’t set healthy boundaries, there’s a chance you might become emotionally, physically or spiritually exhausted. When this happens, it can then impact your own happiness and productivity, as well as the way you relate to people. So what can you do?

I found that becoming self aware has been the biggest gift to bringing joy into my life. Knowing my worth and the value of the relationship is a fundamental part of this. And be willing to let go of the relationship, if boundaries cannot be respected. Of course, not every situation will result in a relationship changing or ending, but when you set boundaries, you actually become a better friend and partner. You take better care of yourself. You’re a better communicator and end up doing things you actually want to do. Sounds awesome, right?

4. Look After Yourself

Setting health boundaries also means making yourself a priority and thinking about what you need. What brings you joy. Putting yourself first actually gives you more of a positive outlook on life, as well as the energy to be there for others.

In my daily journal practice, I write out five life goals. One of them is:

I am a phenomenal woman, wife, mother, sister and daughter

As I write this out every day, I reflect on what I need to do to achieve this. And yes, it includes self care. Looking after my body and mind. and finding time to reflect on what makes me be my best self.

How do you take care of yourself? Could setting boundaries give you the space to look after your own health and well-being?

5. Hone Your Skill

Remember that with any new skill, including setting boundaries, you’ll need to practice. Some of my favorite books around setting boundaries are shown below. Depending on who you’re setting new boundaries with, or redefining existing boundaries, these just might help you.

Just remember, skills can be mastered. Give yourself enough time and space to have the courage to do it.

So, that’s it for Week 6 of the Feel Less Busy series. I hope you found it helpful! This week we talked about how to set healthy boundaries in five steps. Know Yourself. Communicate Your Boundaries. Be Self Aware. Look After Yourself. Hone Your Skill.

I’d love to hear what you do to feel less busy in the comments. Remember that time is both precious and plentiful. So enjoy its abundance and joy.